I couldn’t imagine the love I would feel for my son until he was born and we could be with him, in the flesh. The idea of having children is tricky–no matter how prepared you think you are, you can’t truly know what it’ll be like beforehand, so you have to jump in with both feet, hoping and praying it’s the right decision.
As a young child and preteen, I found babies and children fun and interesting. Sweet, cute, and cuddly. Couldn’t wait to have some of my own.
Growing up into adulthood, though, made me pause and wonder whether parenthood was for me. Babies I’d see in church or at friends’ homes or my own nieces and nephews–they were cute, sure, but did I really want to be tied down to a little person for the rest of my life? Plus, children’s games bored me. Children themselves, after a brief period of time, annoyed me. They always had to have their way. They couldn’t stand losing, so they’d make up rules that skewed things in their favor. They were loud, often making random noises or screaming or singing just to get attention. They were defiant, ignoring whatever they were told to do. They were easily bored and had to be constantly entertained.
Well, these flaws in children are generally quite true. That hasn’t changed. But now as I play with my six-month-old son and see the joy on his face, I care more about him than about anything I have ever wanted. It now seems crazy that I ever considered not becoming a parent.
I know there are many frustrating, exhausting, crazy days ahead with this kid. Yet somehow, I’m not afraid of them anymore. This love for my son so far transcends what I imagined it could be, I want to hold on to every moment with him. We went through our share of trials to be able to have this little boy, and what a precious journey it’s been already.